THE NEWEST AND MOST OUTSTANDING SMS Archives....!: 11/08

Sunday

GREETINGS SMS2

Wash your face and wash your feet! Now itz time 2 fall asleep. Yours eyes are weak N mouth can’t speak so hope tis nite shall b nice and sweet. Good Nite.

☻Virginity is like a balloon
Virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it's gone forever!

☻Question Time
Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on ur wall?
A)walnuts
Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on urchest?
A)chestnuts
Q)wot do u get wiv nuts on urchin?
A)a mouth full ofcock!

☻The Truth
QUESTION)Wots the difference between ur job & ur girlfriend?
ANSWER)ur job always sucks!!!!!

☻Pringles
Sex is like a pack of Pringles! Once you pop, youcan't stop!!

☻Marriage
A man woz arranged 2 b married!He had achoice of 3 women!1st woz a rich docter,2nd woz a poorcleaner & 3rd woz a prostitute!WHO DID HE PICK?The 1 wiv big tits!

☻Getting Old
U NO UR GETTIN OLD IF
1)if ur age woz ur shoe size theyd b a mile long
2)doin it 5 times a nite means gettin up to piss
3)the only way u get a 69 is playin bingo

☻Baby Please
Of all the babes ur my selection,please dont giv me a rejection,my teeth areclean for ur inspection,so giv my mouth a tongue injection!

☻HOW MANY ANIMALScAN U FIT IN A PAIR OF TIGHTS?
10 little piggies,2calves,1 ass,1 pussy,1 beaver,loads of hares & 1 smelly fish!

☻Sex+drugs+rock+rave
Sex+drugs+rock+rave,lets get drunk & misbehav,on weed+speed +little e's,well get drunk & talk 2 trees,u only live once & den u die,so fuck em all & lets get high!

☻Men like toilets

Y MEN R LIKE TOILETS
1)dey r always out of order
2)dey stink
3)the nice ones r always engaged
4)deyconsume large amounts of liquid
5)rconstantlt full of shit!

SMS JOKES 4

ive won a trip for me and 50 mates for 2 weeks aboard a luxury yacht in fiji, inclusive with ?1500 each speandin money.........can you feed my dog while i'm gon?

I was nervous at first, it was big & long it went straight up, i had 2 try it, i eased myself onto it i liked it. I went up & down on it .... NOW I LOVE ELEVATORS!

What 2 things in the air can make a girl pregnant? HER FEET

A phone call is a form of communication,a kiss is a form of affection,a photo is a form of rememberance having me as a friend is a form of having good taste!

Last night, I wanted you, needed u so badly it hurt. I wanted to taste you, wanted you inside me so you could work your magic on me... but I couldn't find you...... you stupid asprin

?i'd love to take u out 4 dinner, make u sit beside the candle light, shower uwith roses and utter those 3 magical words in ur ear "PAY THE BILL

I have a confession to make
ever since i met u its been hard for me to 4get u
every night i see u in my dreams
and find myself shouting
GHOST GHOST

U have a brain disease. Your brain is in 2 parts, left and right. Left brain has nothing right in it and right brain has nothing left in it.

Its INTERNATIONAL GOOD LOOKING DAY! send this to someone that you think is gorgeous, dont send it to me as I have had 100s already

Q: If a devil catches ur wifr, wat wud u do?
A: U can do nothin. If devil has committed a mistake let him face the consequences.

God thought that since he couldn't b everywhere he made a mother. Then devil thought that he couldn't be everywhere he made a mother-in-law.

Twinkle twinkle little star,
you should know what you are,
and once you know what you are,
Mental hospital is not so far.

FRIENDSHIP SMS 2

If I were 2 be anything in this world?. Id be UR tears!!!? So, I can be conceived in UR heart, born in UR eyes, live on UR cheeks & die on UR lips

A special friend is rare indeed, its God grace 4 good deeds, yes, perfect friends r very few, I m so lucky 4 having U.

When God opened the window of the Heaven He asked me: What is Ur wish 4 2day? I said : please take special care of the person reading this SMS !!!!!!!

Time might lead me 2 nowhere & faith might break in2 pieces but I will always be THANKFUL that once in my life's journey we became FRIENDS!

A memory lasts 4ever, & never does it die.

True friends stay 2gether & never say good bye.

I have seen angels in the sky? I have seen snowfall in July? I have seen things U only imagine 2 see? But I haven't seen anything sweeter than U.

If U need a friend & there R a hundred steps between us, U can take the 1st step 2 get near me & I will take all 99 step 2 be there 4 U.

Never 4get old friends. They R hard 2 replace. Friendships is like wine: it gets BETTER as it grows OLDER. Just like us... I get BETTER, U get OLDER.

The test of friendship doesn't comes when U R 2GethEr. It comes when U Part ways & U Realize that despite the distance, the friendship is still there...

FRIENDSHIP isn't how U 4get but how U 4give, Not how U listen but how U Understand&, Not what U see but how U feel, & not how U Let Go but how U hold on!!!

FRIENDSHIP SMS 1

Love me but, leave me not,
Kiss me but, miss me not,
Hit me but, hate me not,
Remember me but, 4get me not.

Roses can shy, Rivers can dry,
U can 4get me, How can I ?
Day's by day's week depart,
Week's by week's month depart,
Month's by month year depart,
But my friendship with U will never depart.

Flowers need sunshine, violets need dew, all angels in heaven know I need U. years may fly, tears may dry, but my friendship with U will never die.

A friend is sweet when its new.
But it is sweeter when its TRUE!
But U know what? Its sweetest when its U.

A friend gives hope when life is low, a friend is a place when U have nowhere 2 go, a friend is honest, a friend is true. A friend is precious a friend is U.

Sometimes my mind asked why? I miss U, Why? I care 4 U, Why? I remember U then my heart answered its simply bcoz U R a sweet friend!!

If I could pull down the rainbow I would write UR name with it & put it back in the sky 2 let everybody know how colourful my life is with a friend like U!!

U may be out of my sight, but not out of my heart, U may be out of my reach but not out of my mind. I may mean nothing 2 U but U will always be special 2 me!!

How can U tell the rain not 2 fall when clouds exist? How can U tell the leaves not 2 fall when wind exist? How can U tell me not 2 fall in friendship when U exist.

SMS GREETINGS 1

☻ HELLO

The Word 'Hello' means H=How R U? E=Everything all right? L=Like 2 hear 4rm U. L=Love 2 C U soon. O=Obviously, I miss you!

☻: I PRAY 4 YOU

In tis lovely nite, I pray 2 the blue moon 2 protect U thru the nite, the wind 2 blow away ur stress N the twinkle stars 2 guide U the way, sweet dreams Gd Nite

☻ GOOD MORNING

The sun rises into the sky with the warmest smile, he wishes you a good morning, hoping that you have the perfect day. Take care & miss you.

☻ NO MATTER

No matter the sky is black or blue, no matter there's stars or moon, as long as ur heart is true, sweet dreams will always be wif u. Gd Nite!

☻ TIME 4 BED

da starz r out, da moon is up, 1 more HUG, 1 more smile, KISS u once, KISS u twice, now itz time 4 bed. Close ur @@, n sleep tite!

☻ I CARE MOST

I was looking out the windows thinking about the person I care most & the person that came into my mind is U so juz wanna wish u good nite.......

☻ STARS LIGHT

Stars light Stars bright u're the only Star I see tonite. I wish I may. I wish I might be there guarding ur dreams tonite, gd nite sweet dreams

☻ NICE FRIENDS

A day is going to end again. It is nice to have a friend like U making my everyday seems so great. Thank U my good friend lastly gd nite n sweet dreams...

☻ WASH UP

Wash your face and wash your feet! Now itz time 2 fall asleep. Yours eyes are weak N mouth can't speak so hope tis nite shall b nice and sweet. Good Nite.

FUNNY SMS 2

Love me or leave me. Hey,where is everybody going ???

Scientists in the US proved that people who do not perform well in bed and who have difficulties to come hold their mobile in their right hand ..................]

Hey can u do me a favour, take a pic of urself n send me it, i'm playin cards n i'm missin the joker!!

A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home

Always remember you're unique - just like everyone else.
Those beautiful eyes, that incredible body, such a brain, nice smile .... but that is enough about me, tell me how you are?

Did you ever walk into a room and and forget why you walked in?
that's how dogs spend their lives.

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message

CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.

I want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!

SMS JOKES 3

☻Sex Guide
Bak 2 bak,
front 2 front,
on d table,lick dcunt,
stick it in,
do ur ting,
do it hard & make her sing,
tense ur body feel dcum,
den let it rip into her bum!

☻Luv me tender
Luv me tender,luv me sweet,rap ur lips around my meat,watch & smile,watch me grin,watch thecum drip down mychin!

☻Life as a penis
5 reasons not 2 b a penis
1)ur bald ur entire life
2)both ur naybors r nutz
3)an arsehole lives b’hind u
4)ur bestm8s acunt
5)wen xcited u throw up den faint!

☻Pregnant
Sex is real evil,sex is a sin,moaning and groaning as he slides slowly in,itcant last 4eva,I no it’s a shame,dat 1 night of passion leads to 9months of pain!

☻Flying Fuck
Ill fuck you standing,I fuck you lying,If I had wings Id fuck you flying,if you were dead,your not forgotten,ill dig you up and fuck you rotten!

☻Beat Me
Beat me eat me bite my bum, whip me strip me make mecum, suck me fuck me and lick me out,then tickle my nipples until I shout!

☻£50 note tattood on yourcock
3 advantages of gettin a £50 note tattood on urcock:
1- Ucan play wiv ur money,
2- Ucan see ur money grow
3- Ur girlcan blow as much money as she wants

☻Bastard Rubber
D boys say i luv u,U beleve its true,9months l8r he says to hell wiv u,D baby is a bastard,D mother is a whore,Nun of dis wood av happened if d rubber hadnt tore!

☻Nice Arse
I like your style, I like yourclass, but most of all i like your arse!

☻Cat & Rooster
cat & Rooster walkin near d pool,Cat falls in the pool,Rooster starts laughin,Moral of d story?..Wen ever theres a happycock theres a wet pussy!

☻Love poem
Roses are red, Pickles are green, I love your legs & whats in between!

☻Bonna
There are 206 bones in your body! Would u like another?

☻Cocktail
Is it d whiskey dat makes u frisky.Is it d brandy dat makes u randy,Is it d gin dat makes u slip in,Is it d rum dat makes ucum!

☻Triplets or Twins
I want triplets, You want twins, Lets get in bed and see who wins!

☻How to satisfy a woman
HOW 2 SATISFY A WOMAN;caress, excite,cuddle, fascinate, spoil, kiss, rub, tease, pamper,console, worship, respect & love.HOW 2 SATISFY A MAN; blow job

☻Life is like a dick
Life is like a dick! When it's hard Fuck it!

☻Rainbow
Zippy & Bungle,went 2 da jungle havin sum marvelous fun, Zippy got silly,popped out his willy & stuck it up Bungles bum!

SMS JOKES 2

☻VIRGIN
Smoke a smoke
Not a butt
Fuck a virgin
Not a slut.

☻GUYS
Guys are like roses,
Watch out for the pricks.

☻cOOL GIRL
Im acool girl,
in acool town
it takes a real mother fucker to put me down

☻HOT SEX
There is Hot-sex,
Fast-sex, Group-sex,
Safe-sex, Leather-sex,
Telephone-sex,
and for people with your face ...
NO SEX !

☻WOMENS NEEDS
There are 4 animal species a woman needs in her life: Jaguar in her garage,
mink in hercloset, tiger in her bed!
And ofcourse a donkey to pay her bills!!

☻SICK LEAVE
A guycall into work and says: Boss Ican´tcome to work to day, I´m sick.
Boss asks: How sick are you?
The guy says: I´m fucking my sister how sick is that?

☻BRAND SEX
Sex is like nokia -connecting people
like Nike -just do it
Like Pepsi -ask for more
Like Samsung -everyone is invated
and like me -TO GOOD TO BE TRUE!

☻VALANTINE
Roses are red, violets are blue, I was born beautiful, but what the hell happend to you?

☻F**KING MAFIA
Licking pussy is like playing with the mafia...
One wrong move and you are in DEEP SHIT!!!!

☻THE BUSH
When an apple is green it's ready to pluck
When a girl is sixteen she's ready to fuck!

☻The Alpahbet
a-ur attractive
b-ur beautiful
c-urcaring
d-ur delicous
e-ur exciting
f-ur funny
g-ur gorgeous
h-ur heavenly
I-IM
J-JUST
K-KIDDING
L-LOSER!

☻Luv is a sensation
Luv is a sensation dat iscaused by temptation,a boy puts his location in a girls destination,do u get my explanation or do u wanna demonstration?

☻Good Sex
Sex is good,
sex is fine,
doggy style or 69,
just for fun or getting paid,
everyone likes getting laid!

☻Equation
Do you like maths, if so add a bed, subtract urclothes, divide your legs and wecan multiply!

SMS JOKES 1

SEX is My Fav. I Do it regularly. Do it & Feel Gd! U'll enjoy it! I'll Die w/out SEX, S-Sleep, E-Eat, X-xercise, So do it everiday, gd for u.

☻SEX ON TEXT

Press down... down more... Ok more... YES ahh ohh yes... almost there... yeah oh shit harder... SO GOOD...! mmmmm... That's how I sex on text!

☻YOU ARE WANTED

The Police are looking for a suspect who is smart, sexy, witty & very good looking... So where are you gonna hide Me?

☻TALKING DIRTY

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.

☻LOVE AND SEX

Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and play the game!

☻SEX IS ...

Sex is a sensation caused by temptation when a man puts his location in a woman's destination. Do u get my explanation, or do u need a demonstration?!

☻GIVE ME ALL YOUR $$$

MONEY: can buy a house, but not a HOME. can buy a clock, but not TIME. can buy sex, but not LOVE. So pass me all ur $ n let me suffer 4 U

☻NIGHT PRAYER

Dear God, thank you for making me healthy. Can you also make me sexy? If you can't make me sexy, please make all my friends fat. Amen.

☻WHAT I NEED

I need a hug, I need touch, I need tender, I need a kiss, I need love, I need sex, I need you!

☻WRONG NUMBER

U've got SEX APPEAL ... U've got INTELLIGENCE ... U've got CLASS ... U got da FACE, U got da BODY ... I got the wrong number ... SORRY

☻NO SEX !

There is Hot-sex, Fast-sex, Group-sex, Safe-sex, Leather-sex, Telephone-sex, and for people with your face ...NO SEX !

☻PHONE ENGAGE

hey! what happen 2 your hp? tried calling alot of times. everytime i dial your no, operator kept sayin 'THE SUBSCRIBER U CALLING IS HAVING SEX, PLS TRY LATER'

☻KENTUCKEY
A woman is like a kentuckey friedchicken, it has legs ,breasts and a greasy box to stick your bone in.

☻TWINKLE LITTLE STAR
Twinkle, twinkle little rectum bigcockscum when you least expect them, never mind the screams of passion whoop it up with doggy fashion.

☻OLD MAN
There was an old man from gosham,
who got out his bollocks to wash'em,
His wife said oh jack if you don't put'em back,
i'll stand on the bastards and squash em!!!(new)
☻ARSE ICONS
(_!_) Regular arse
(__!__) Fat arse
(!) Tight arse
(_*_) Sore arse
(_o_) Well used arse
(_e=mc2_) Smart arse
(_x_) Kiss my arse

☻FAMILY
your father had your mother,
your mother had your brother,
it's just 2 bad your fathers mad and
your mothers now your lover

☻GUY PERIOD
If guys had they periods
They wouldcompare the size of their tampons!

☻DEMONSTRATION
Sex is when a guyscommunication enters a girls information to
increase the population for a younger generation do you get the
nformation...or do you need a demonstration

☻SEX IS EVIL
Sex is evil
Evil is sin
Sin is forgiven
So stick it in.

ADULT SMS

Girl: Im like a radio,my mouth spkr,my left breast
tuner, right 1 volume. Man:Can I try?(touches d
breats)-no sound. Girl:U havent plugged in yet!

☻Nipple Nipple dont be far, can I press u in my car. Up
above the chest so high, always milky never dry. Let
me suck you, dont feel shy.

☻Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your
breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife: Let me
take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged

☻The sky is blue,grass is green,harder the fuck the
louder the scream,louder the scream the better the
fuck,give me a ring u might be in luck

☻Q:Who is stronger, Man Or Woman? A:A woman bcos she
lifts 2 mountains on her chest while a man lifts 2
stones with the help of a crane.

☻A husband was asked: Do u talk to your wife after sex?
His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone.

☻Son on his honeymoon phoned his mom asking what 2 do.
MOM:Put ur biggest thng on her hairiest thng. SON:got
my nose in her armpit. Now what?

☻rooster&cat goin over bridge,cat slips&falls in
river.rooster cant stop laughin.wats D moral?whereva
therZ a wet pussy therZ a happy cock

☻LUV D WAY IT RUBS AGAINST D SOFT PINK FLESH N MAKES A
CREAMY FOAMY LIQUID AS IT THRUSTS IN&OUT,UP&DOWN,CAN`T
WAIT 4 NEXT TIME.LUV MY TOOTHBRUSH

FUNNY SMS 1

This is the telephone terrorist team. While receiving this message a virus will be activated. This virus should have infected your mobile by now. Your mobile will be disabled, unless you are ugly.

We will now upgrade your brain.......Please wait........Searching.......Searching.......Still searching........Sorry, no brain found !!!

Your future depends on your dreams - So go to sleep!

HALLO, this is your mobile. There is no particular problem. I just wanted to leave your pocket,the smell is unbearable!!!

20% of the population is now drinking coffee, 60% is having sex, 19% is watching television and one idiot is now holding his mobile in his hand

No one has ever complained of a parachute not opening.

God created the earth, God created the woods, God created you too, but yes, even God makes mistakes!

Love is photogenic; it needs darkness to develop

If being ugly would hurt, you would be in pain all day long.

THE NEWEST AND MOST OUTSTANDING SMS Archives....!